


Get Closer To Be Far Away

by LostMyShapeTryingToActCasual



Category: Muse (Band)
Genre: Depression, Fluff, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-07-13 02:39:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7135208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostMyShapeTryingToActCasual/pseuds/LostMyShapeTryingToActCasual
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who knew video chats could be so difficult?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> super short may be continuing this just wanted to get it out there  
> expect more long distance stuff from me lmao

"You changed your hair again-" He was smiling at me, all wide gray eyes and perfect teeth. My cheeks flushed harder and I reached up to touch a tuft of what was now my bright red hair.

"Yeah... Do you like it?" I smiled, lips pulled tight around my teeth. I squinted hard at the computer screen, trying to decipher the pixels that made up my boyfriend's face. It was dark in his room. It was always dark; he wasn't supposed to be video chatting with me. He did it anyway, of course. Such a rebel.

"Yeah!" He grinned. "Red looks good on you, babe..." I blushed harder, giggling. 

We'd met on a music forum online a year ago, started talking 10 months ago, and had been together for 3. Granted, we'd never met in person. We talked every day: texts, phone calls, video chats. The video chats were rare, and always reassuring when we connected and I got to see his face.

We were both British; born in the same town, actually. However, my family had moved to the States when I was 11. So I was stuck across the ocean in the middle of nowhere while he was stuck back home. 

It wasn't too difficult to get out schedules to sync up. He was the one who usually pulled all-nighters. Sometimes he'd fall asleep in front of the screen or on the phone and I'd just sit and listen to him breathe. He was real. He was mine.

"You've got that look again... What're you thinking about, Bells?" His voice snapped me from my thoughts, my cheeks flushing.

"Nothing..."

"Aww... Fine be like that..." He smiled, glancing down. I felt my heart catch in my throat; I wanted to be able to reach across and tousle his shaggy blond hair. I wanted to be able to cup his cheeks and kiss his soft, full lips. I wanted him.

Tears formed in my eyes, and I sniffed. He noticed.

"Bells- Matt, baby, what's wrong..?" His voice was soft and full of concern as he leaned toward his computer monitor, brows knitted together. I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my baggy jumper, shaking my head.

"It's fine- I'm fine... Just... Allergies is all..." I struggled to keep my voice from cracking.

He didn't buy my allergies story, but he left it alone for the rest of our evening. We pulled up a live stream and watched some old Disney movies until he fell asleep (3 am his time, 10 pm my time). I watched him for a couple minutes. He snored quietly, cheek smushed against his pillow. He'd dragged his bed closer to his desk so we could video chat easier; I had a laptop, so I always set up shop on my bed.

I reached out and traced the pixels that made up the sleeping form of my boyfriend. It was good enough for now. Maybe one day I'd be able to touch him for real.

* * *

 

"Let me see your wrists..."

"W-what- why-" I sputtered around my mug, nearly spitting tea all over the laptop and my bed. I was suddenly nervous; was I being too obvious about it?

His gray eyes pleaded with me, and with shaky hands I rolled the sleeves up my arms. I stared down at the scar tissue and fresh red marks that stood out on my pale wrists. 

“Show me…” I complied, holding my wrists up towards the camera, still staring down. I can hear the soft hitch in his breathing, even through the shitty audio of our video chat. “Baby… why?” I answer with a shrug, pulling the sleeves back down.

“You should see my thighs…” I mumble, half joking as I pick at the hem of my sweatshirt. I still don’t meet his gaze.

“Look at me, please.” His voice is firm yet kind. He’s pissed but he cares. I bite my lip and meet his gaze. There were tears in his eyes. “I wish there was something I-I could do-“ HIs voice was breaking, and my eyes widen.

“Dom- no, Dom- Don’t think like that, y-you’re already doing a lot-“ I leaned forward. “You might now be h-here but, you’re there-“ I fumbled over my words, my tongue suddenly heavy in my mouth. “It’s _me_ that’s messed up- I just feel like a burden…” I drew a knee up to my chest, looking away from his gaze on the screen.

“Matty…” He breathed softly after a moment, “You are _not_ a burden…” I frowned, struggling to keep the tears at bay.

“T-then why do I feel like one…” I almost sobbed, rubbing one eye with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

“S-shh, sweetheart no tears, no tears…” I could tell his hand was on the monitor as if he were trying to reassure me; like he was touching my cheek. I bit back another sob, placing my own hand on my screen.

“I just want… I just w-want to touch you…" I whimpered, and he nodded, brows furrowed in concern.

"I know, baby, I know... Soon..."


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning self-harm  
> thanks for reading yooo  
> its short bc im awful

"How long has it been?"

I'm laying on my side, boxer shorts hitched up on my thighs with the healing marks and scars out of sight from the built in webcam.

"A week and 2 days..." I beam, moving my hands to fiddle with the hem of my jumper.

"I'm so proud of you baby...." His eyes are soft, his smile huge, and I swear his face was about to shatter. My cheeks flush, and I giggle.

"It means a lot.... T-that you stuck around, I mean..." I say after a long silence. I don't dare look up at him because I can't bear to see the look on his face.

"Baby... I love you..." I still get chills time he says that; he loves me. "I love you no matter what, okay? Don't question that..." I glance up to see his somewhat exasperated but still loving smile, and I smile back.

"S-sorry-" I begin, but he cuts me off.

"Don't be sorry, sweetheart..." Our conversation shifts to some lighter things, like his school and classmates, or how my mum's doing. The pattering of rain outside my window catches my attention, and I can't help but sit up and turn to stare.

"Oi, Bells! Where'd ya go?" Dom comments after a second of complete silence from me. The rain's started to pick up, and the wind jostles the branches of the trees. I grab my laptop and cross my room to show him the window. He makes a incredulously sounding laugh, and I turn the camera to my face, pouting.

"Are you laughing at me-?!"

"N- well yeah, maybe." He smiles fondly. "You're just so fucking cute, love." My cheeks flush harder, my pout deepening. "Aww..." I walk back to my bed, setting the laptop down to lay on my back. I'm sure he can only see the side of my face as a stare at the ceiling. "You thinking about something, sweetheart?" I nod. "Wanna share it with the class?" I laugh so hard, I begin to snort, earning a deep chuckle from Dom. I shake my head.

"Not the class, just you..." I roll onto my side to stare at him. I reach out, setting my hand on the monitor to stare at him. He smiles, and I smile back. "I'm thinking of how amazing our first kiss will be... And our first hug... And our first touch......" My eyes turn from the screen as I begin to blush deeply again.

"That's so...." His voice trails off.

"So what-?" I sit up slightly, brows furrowed.

"That's so you, and it's so adorable." His smile (his fucking adorable smile) is fond and sincere and I love him, and he's all mine. 

* * *

 "School starts up for me soon..." I mumble into the pillow, phone pressed close to my ear. 

"Aww poor Bells..." He fake coos at me and I make a face even though I know he can't see me.

"Shut up- you get like, an extra week-!" I whine, rolling over to lay on my back. He chuckles, and I smile. We spend the rest of the evening chatting about this and that. As the night goes on, I can tell he's getting tired.

"Dom, we don't have to keep talking- if you're tired-" I start and he cuts me off.

"No, no, I'm fine..." He stifles a yawn. I roll my eyes.

"G'night, Dom..."

"Fine... G'night, Matt." After a short pause, "I love you..."

I breathe in quickly, heat rising in my cheeks. "I love you too..." I reply, and I can practically hear his grin as I hang up. Plugging my phone into charge, I stare up at the ceiling. Dom loves me. It's been a month since we started saying it, and I still can't believe it.

* * *

I try to muffle my sob with one hand as I crouch in the tub on my knees. My other hand fumbles for the blade I've finished prying from the razor.

With a shaky hand, I drag the blade across my thigh, making a deep red line right under a fleshy pink one. I turn my attention to my other thigh and give it the same treatment, watching the dark red drip down.

"So much for two weeks clean," I mutter, forcing a smile. After wrapping the blade in a towel and stashing it under the sink, I go about trying to stop the blood flow. I press two fresh white towels on my thighs and purse my lips; I'd have to go buy more bleach or my dad might begin to suspect again. 

My tears have since dried up, and my eyes appear red and puffy when I look at myself in the mirror. Splashing some cold water on my face to compose myself, I pull my boxer shorts back on. Taking the bloodied towels to my room, I hide them under some dirty shirts. Glancing at my phone, I crumble into a ball on my bed. Dom fell asleep an hour ago.

Dom would be so disappointed with me if he found out I just did this.

I feel tears welling up in my eyes.  _Well, at least he won't be able to see me limping._


End file.
